Wednesday, November 29, 2006


As I consume my propostorous amounts of sports entertainment, I'm often induced to long periods of thought. Lots of the time it's complete crap, that makes no sense, even to me, and sometimes, it's as valuable as a rare diamond, but impossible for me to put to paper. But lately, I've been asking myself some questions, that I think need answering.

First up,

How bad are the Toronto Raptors?

I don't talk much about basketball, and that's for a good reason. Unlike football and hockey, I don't know much about basketball, and I don't care much for basketball. But, from what I can tell, the Toronto Raptors are bad - like Houston Texans bad, but worse. I remember thinking to myself in the offseason, "man, it seems like the Raptors are making some really good signings. I can't pronounce any of their names, but all these Europeans are supposed to be great." NO. They've been awful. Maybe Toronto should just fold, or move to New York. It doesn't seem right that Basketball is the only sport to NOT have two teams in New York.

How good is Drew Brees?

Drew Brees has revived the New Orleans Saints from what seemed like impossible depths. He's been outstanding, and put up some of the best offensive numbers in the NFL. Add that to the success he has had in San Diego and it's indisputable that Drew Brees is a great quarterback. Now what really makes me wonder how good he is, is how well Philip Rivers has played this year. I can't help but think that three years behind the tutelage of Drew Brees made Rivers the quarterback he is today. I think that it has had a huge impact on him, and is just another addition the list of great accomplishments Drew Brees calls his resume.

How stupid is J.P. Riccardi?

Is it just me, or have the Blue Jays signings of this offseason been about as intelligent as political speech by Pauly Shore? Last summer, I thought J.P. was a genius. Overbay, Ryan, Burnett, Molina, Glaus, the guy was doing everything right. He spent some bucks, and boy were they in the right place. But then this year, he has done nothing, despite a bump in salary space. He's signed Big Hurt, which is an iffy, but popular call. Now he's signed Royce Clayton, who I didnt even know the hell he was. And what happened with Rod Barajas? He had him signed, then Barajas backed out? What the hell? And to top off the stupid decisions, he signs Zaun. NOT ONLY, does he sign him, but gives him over 7 M for a two year contract. SHOCKING. It could just be me, but I think J.P. needs to lay off the reefer.

Can the Buffalo Sabres make it last?

The Sabres are good. No doubt about it. Can this winning streak they're on last the entire season though? Just something I was thinking about. And for that matter...

How good is Cristobal Huet?

The guy has played amazing for the past month and is a huge reason the Habs are as good as they are. Props.

How accurate are the numbers on Vanderjagt?

Is it strange that the all time most accurate kicker in NFL HISTORY is without a job? Vanderjagt got released this week, and not that I really care ( I think he's an assclown and an embarrassment to Canadians) but surely, the guy who ALL TIME in the NFL has the highest kicking average should have a job somewhere? Shouldn't he?

Anyways, just some thoughts I've had.

That's all I got.

Monday, November 20, 2006


Well it's about that time of year. The time of year where many of you will hop off the Steelers bandwagon, and either rejoin the Colts bandwagon you rode for most of last year, or find a new team. May I make a suggestion? The Chargers bandwagon might be a nice choice. I'm sure it will be filling up quickly, so you might want to grab your spot early so that you have more "cred" than the other bandwagon jumpers.

The Chargers are an outstanding 8-2, just like most of my fantasy teams, and it's for a good reason. They have the best player in the league in their backfield in LaDainian Tomlinson. (Ok, that's arguable. What's not is whether or not he's the best back in the league, cause he definately is that.) They have a blossoming quarterback in Philip Rivers, who this week was mentioned in the same breath as Joe Montana. Not bad company for a rookie quarterback noone gave any credit to at the beginning of the season. The Chargers have a defense that has allowed a lot of points recently, but is also missing players such as Merriman, Foley, Phillips, Castillo, and during their last game had drives where they lost McCree, Cromartie, and Edwards. When this D gets healthy (right around playoff time) they're going to be dominant just like they were at the beginning of the season.

So, now that you've been convinced, sign your name up and get on the bandwagon early, cause the Chargers are here to stay.

That's all I've got.

Thursday, November 09, 2006


You may be asking yourself, "where's my week 9 and 10 preview?" or you may not be asking yourself, since they tended to be very dry, and uninteresting. Not that my other posts have offered real jems of wit and charm, but I think the pics have at least spiced them up a bit.
What I really find myself thinking about lately is a few things. NFL.... Women.... NHL... NFL.... Women's Beach Volleyball... NFL... NHL... Getting a dog...NFL.. home renovations... NHL.. and on and on. You get the picture. After 9 weeks of NFL football I've watched alot of great games, read alot of good articles, and heard alot of good commentary and discussion on the NFL. Analylsts have talked about mid-season MVP's, teams that are most likely to go to the Superbowl, T.O., lots of T.O., and several other things, like how bad the Arizona Cardinals are. Analysts make their picks, and share their opinions, because that's their job. But there's one thing that continues to drive me nuts about sports media, and sports analysts; Making stories out of things that happen that aren't really stories, and making bigger deals out of situations that are in fact small potatoes.
For example, I've heard ALOT of talk this week about T.O. and the incident in the endzone last week, and I've heard even MORE talk about the pass he dropped that would have been a guaranteed touchdown. NEVER in my life have I heard so much talk about a dropped pass. Every week receivers drop passes. Ocho drops em, Tory drops em, hell even Jerry Rice dropped passes. They even dropped passes that hit them in the chest. Passes that hit them in the hands. Passes that hit them in the hands while they were standing still. The catch that T.O. dropped last week was NOT an easy catch. He was running all out, and fully extended. The ball rolled off his finger tips and he bobbled it - while running at top speed. IT HAPPENS. T.O. DID NOT LOSE THAT GAME FOR DALLAS. End of story.
Secondly, I've heard alot of talk about who the best team in the league is right now. Some people say Indy, some say the Bears, even still some say the Chargers. Of course I refuse to write from a completely unbiased POV, so I'll just go ahead and pick the Chargers. They've got a great combo of Offense with Defense.
Ok, but seriously? Can someone tell me what has changed with the Colts in a year, other than Tony Dungy's kid has died, and every player on that team is a year older? Oh and don't forget, they've lost their stud running back in Edge. This team is no different from last year. The Colts will continue to impress during the regluar season and will put up a stunning record just like last year, BUT when it comes to playoffs this year, the Colts WILL choke. They're Defense, especially against the run is TERRIBLE, and by the end of the year every Defense in the league will know how to stop them, just like last year. Peyton Manning is great. He's got my vote for MVP this year, but singlehandedly Peyton CAN be stopped, and will be by the end of the year.
The best team in the league right now is the Chicago Bears. Their Defense is astounding. They're pass rush on the D-line is fearsome, their linebackers are overwhelming, and smart to boot, and their secondary is second to none. That Defense will continue to win games for them, and if their offense can return to the form they had in the first 5 games, and manage to NOT turn the ball over, this team WILL win the Superbowl. did some mid-season award nominations with all their writers. It was boring, and it seemed that everyone except for Rod Woodson (who apparently has a hard on for the Chargers just like me) picked the same players. Very compelling guys, thanks for the article. F.

Here's my picks. If yours are different, I wanna know. Post a comment.
Offensive MVP: Peyton Manning - I know it's the same as every person on, but seriously, how can you argue against him?
Defensive MVP: Ray Lewis - Everything in me wants to pick Merriman, and I think I rightfully could, but Ray Lewis has revived the Baltimore D, and they look as solid as ever.
Rookie of the Year: Laurence Maroney - For a rookie back to pick up a Belicheck offense as quick as he has is astounding. I don't care who you are, even if you do catch Drew Brees passes.
Coach of the Year: Lovie Smith - The best bang for your buck. No matter how much or how little cash you throw his way.
Superbowl Pick: Chargers - AFC. Bears - NFC. All bias aside, I can't see a better team in each of these conferences. They're Defenses are outstanding, and the offenses compliment them well.

That's all I got.

Thursday, November 02, 2006


I'm an adimate Fantasy Player. And no I don't mean D & D. I'm a vet when it comes to Fantasy Hockey (I still suck at it tho), and am a new jack with the Fantasy Football, and Fantasy Baseball. But I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm hooked. Fantasy Baseball, a game about a sport I, until recently, barely followed, surprsingly entertained me. The baseball season led me into the football season, and now I'm hooked. It's a full blown addiction. I'd even consider it a solid "hobbie". The number of hours I can spend tinkering with line-ups, haggling over trades, or contemplating add/drops is mind-baffling. Literally hundreds of hours are spent in front of a computer screen reading up on players, finding out who will start, who's hurt and who's on a cold or hot streak. Everyday things like relationships, work, and school are soon set aside for the glory of a Fantasy Win. Each and every Sunday is now spent watching football, and not only my beloved Chargers, but every game. I'm sitting on my couch, flipping from channel to channel, while my laptop sits on my lap with the stats for each game updating themselves live. I'm obsessed. I'm a man apart. FANTASY SPORTS ARE GLORIOUS.

However, as I've coached and GM'd the "Burnsy's Bruisers", the "Revello Charge", and "Burnsy's Mushroom Bruisers", I've realized that there is a code of ethics, or a "fantasy etiquette" if you will. To say it straight there are some things that piss me off about fantasy sports.

There are some things that are expected of you when you join a fantasy league, and if you are even considering joining one, read this list so your not the assclown of your league. Consider this the ten commandments for Fantasy Sports. That is if I can think of ten...

1. When you signing up for your league, pick a funny name. And now when I say a funny name, I should stress that it is NOT funny to randomly hit keys on your keyboard and claim that that is your team name. Ex: "dtgbt". Not funny. There are a plethora of funny names out there for your fantasy team, such as "Burnsy's Mushroom Bruisers", or "Houshamazilly". These are funny names, because they're not outrightly derogatory of obvious to the unlearned fantasy player, but rather they have a history in and of themselves, and provide humor to anyone who may have been involved in Fantasy Football.

2. If you want to stand a chance in your league, show up for your fantasy draft. The worst mistake you can make in Fantasy is starting off with a bad team. It will leave you crippled for the entire team and in a place where you are constantly hunting on the waiver wire for useful players. As fun and rewarding as that may be, your never going to win a championship with a bunch of dudes off the waiver wire. And remember, take a kicker early. The good ones go fast.

3. Do your research. If the last time you watched an NHL game, the Montreal Canadiens were in the finals, hook yourself up to the internet and do a little research. Find out who the good players in the league are NOW. Hell, if your too lazy to do any substantial reading, just check the stats page of the previous year. That should give you a pretty good idea of who you want this year. And please note, the following players have retired: Doug Gilmour (fag), Wayne Gretzky (greatest player ever) and God forbid Tie Domi (Belinda Stronach).

4. Know what will win you games in your league. If your league rewards 3 pts for a goal and 1 pt for an assist, or if your league gives lots of points to RB's and none to QB's, or if SB's are worth triple what HR's are worth, make sure you've loaded up on the right players. Nothing like taking Peyton Manning in a league where rush yards are worth double what pass yards are.

5. Don't ask your buddies in the league for help. Your best friend may be in the same league as you, and your best friend may not touch your sister even if she is Jessica Alba, but when it comes to Fantasy Sports it is cut-throat. Your best friend who saved you from drowning when you were 6 years old is the same friend that would give you Neil Rackers for LadDainian Tomlinson.

6. Check your league regularily. I don't care if you aren't obsessed with Fantasy Sports. I know what your saying, "Burnsy, how could you watch 8 hours of football every Sunday? I only want to watch my team play, cause I have a real life.". Well it's not the end of the world if you don't obsess over your team, but at least have the respect for you competitors to check in on the league on a regular basis. Check in and see if there's some trade offers on your table. Check to see that your not starting someone who's been on the IR for two months. Have some friggin self-respect.

7. If someone offers you a trade, have the common sense and decency to either REJECT or ACCEPT the trade. There is nothing more frustrating than offering someone the blockbuster trade of the year, and them not responding for four weeks. Finally, after four weeks of looking at the trade they intended on rejecting on Day 1, they accidently bump the reject button and crush your dreams of the trade of a lifetime. You've had your hopes up for the entire four weeks thinking that they must be thinking long and hard about it, only for them to have no interest at all in what your pursuing. This is EASILY the most annoying thing about fantasy sports.

8. If your gonna trash talk your Fantasy Sports message board, please think about what you type before you randomly type whatever comes to your mind at the moment. There is nothing worse than feeling like you just got trash talked by someone who doesn't possess a grade 3 education. They are mis-spelling words like a Grade 2 autistic quadrapalegic at a spelling bee for junior highs, and bragging up their kicker who scored them 13 pts and won them the game. Noone can read or understand what you're saying, and even if they could they probably wouldn't care cause if you're in Grade 2, autistic, and a quadrapalegic, then you're probably in dead last in your league. Go roll home.

9. When you win your league, and your the Champ, give everyone a peice of your mind. Take a page from the Ocho Cinco library of trash talk, and let everyone know how good you are. Compose a well written draft explaining how you've exposed their every weakness and dominated them like a leather bound sex-fiend. Let it all out.

10. Shoot,.. I think all i got is 9...

That's all I got.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


10 years ago the NHL was a struggling league. Officiating was struggling, goal scoring was down, and they just just resolved a lockout that seemed to destroy the league. We've just passed another lockout, but this time the league seems to have come back full swing. The game is more exciting, the officiating much tighter, and goal scoring is higher than it used to be. However, I think the most impressive thing about the current NHL is the development of young talent, and the amount of young talent that currently exists in the league.

For years the NHL seemed to struggle to develop talent. There seemed to be a core group of players and a select number of superstars that dominated the league. They were an upper echelon and a group set apart. Players like Joe Sakic, Peter Forsberg, Steve Yzerman, Mike Modano, and Ray Bourque, just to name a few. Highly touted rookies would enter the league, but would soon fizzle, or take three to four years to develop into a quality NHL player. These days though, it seems new superstars are born each year. We've had players like Crosby, Ovechkin, and Malkin enter the league and instantly dominate, and that's obvious to all. But we've also had players like Marek Svatos, Brad Boyes, and Jussi Jokinen become great players out what seems like nowhere. It's especially exciting to watch the game, and especially if you're a fan of a team that seems to be "rebuilding", because there is real legitimacy in rebuilding. Teams can actually develop talent through the draft without having to wait 5-10 years before being a contender.

So NHL, off comes my hat to you. Not so much Gary Bettman, cause he's a douche bag, but NHL, props to you.

That's all I got.

Sidenote: Wanna vote for the NHL MVP? Click HERE